This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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