Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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