We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
