Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
