we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
