the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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