apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
