So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
