Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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