so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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