you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
