Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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