Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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