take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
