I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
