I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Green mimosas i think yes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
