Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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