I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
