the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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