i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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