Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
