I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
