We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
