Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
