Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
