If that was your dad, he is hot
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
