Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
