ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
