Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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