I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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