I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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