R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Enjoy the penises
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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