Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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