1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
