When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
