Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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