you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
