I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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