NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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