you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
