And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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