flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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