Who did Billy Mays play for?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
