I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
