Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
