He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
