so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Someone came in the potted fern
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
