We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
