Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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