Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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