he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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