wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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