Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
