So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
